Wax on...Wax Off

Ok, so I think I may have lied when I said true sisterhood and intimacy was in the strip club. The truth is, that's a title that should be reserved solely for your local waxing specialist, because I don't think you've experienced real intimacy until you've gotten a Brazilian bikini wax.

...Twas Valentine's Day and I decided the theme of that entire weekend was of course going to be "Treat Yo Self" 
 
I had off that Friday so I went to do what I and most women do from time to time which is exactly that -- treat myself. Kicked it off with a Galentine's day dinner with my single lady friends, got my hair, nails and eyebrows done and then the Pièce de résistance -- time to get a wax. Now I have no shame in my game (normally) but I have to be honest, I hadn't been to the salon to get a Brazilian in waaaayyyyy longer than I'd care to admit, so, I thought to myself, "Self, why not?". Why not try to radiate some positive vibes; like "The Secret", except for your vagina -- I mean, that's how vajazzling came about right? I'm just saying, I don't know about the rest of yous but I'm pretty sure most men like a clean workspace, so, I figured, "If you wax it, they will come"...Nevertheless, in all of this positive thinking, I had forgotten how real the actual process would be. I had forgotten that a complete stranger was about to get further with me in 10-15 min than most men do after a couple of months dates. I forgot that this little, old Armenian (or Russian) woman was about to be all up in my cooca, crack and hole with binocular glasses and the investigative precision of that ginger detective from CSI Miami. And I had definitely forgotten that maybe I should have taken an aspirin (or a shot for that matter) because I was about to be making "pain faces" that are usually reserved for an episode of Ridiculousness.

Her name was Rachel and she reminded me a lot of the aunt from My Big Fat Greek Wedding except instead of offering me copious amounts of lamb, she would just say "Okay, chu vant vax, I give you vax". She was sweet, kind and kept reassuring me that everything would be 'Ok' while simultaneously reminding me that maybe next time I shouldn't wait so long to come back (SHHHHHADE!). Anyway, she was quick and she didn't talk too much, just enough to keep my mind off of what was going on. Right leg out, left leg out, spread eagle, legs up and 20 mins later we were done. All in all I'd say it was a success; smooth as a baby's bottom. I grabbed my coat, my bag then headed out the door. As I awkwardly re-adjusted while I walked, I couldn't help but wonder; since I'm single, is there a really a point to some of the grooming? Look, I truly do enjoy pampering myself, it's part of being a woman BUT how long are you allowed to take a break -- a'la "No Shave November" -- before you start looking like Chewbacca? You know the old saying, "If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around, does it make a sound", well "If a single woman gets a wax and no one is there to see it, does it make a difference?" Are all single women the proverbial tree in the forest? Or #IsItJustMe 

 






P.S. - For those of you who don't know what "Treat Yo Self" is, allow me put you on some game. I present "Treat Yo Self", courtesy of Parks and Recreation:

Steebie, I don't want go back to the strip club...Or do I?

So I finally made it! 

Where to, you ask? Well, I'll tell you monsieurs and madams -- Le Strip Club!

...And I had a BALL! *Hits TI shuffle*. 

I've been wanting to go for quite some time now, but the opportunity never seemed to arise. 
I've always said that this would be something I'd want to do with my significant other, but why the heck should I wait for that? Now, for some of you I know the strip club probably seems degrading and so this post is definitely not going to be your cup of tea because, now having gone, as a female, I have to say, going to the strip club was quite possibly one of THE most liberating experiences in my life. As a girl's night out, this was a good ass time. There were drinks, music and Cirque du Soleil acrobatics that just so happened to be performed by beautiful, naked women. This place was in fact AWESOME and les-be-honest, I definitely see why some men go.

So, now for the play-by-play:

When we arrived, we were kindly greeted by our male host, checked our coats and escorted to the main area. There were two floors; bar and stage on the main floor and another bar with seating on the second. There wasn't any open seating on the first floor and although the pole did extend all the way to the second floor we didn't want to sit in that section as we wouldn't really be able to see the main show. We'd gotten in around 12:30/1am and there wasn't much action so we decided to just hang around the bar and wait for a table to open up while debating if we wanted to take the party elsewhere. FINALLY a table opens up right in front of the stage. We get some drinks, some singles and wait for the show to begin. Again, it's still a little slow so we ask the host -- who had absolutely no qualms about sharing with us that the club was in fact associated with the porn company Vivid Entertainment -- If we could A) Request a Ratchét song a 'la "Pop That" and B) If there were any girls that "Bandz" would in fact make dance; and boy did we get it. First of all, she was gorgeous, she was hilarious, and she was talented. O'girl put in work. Next thing you know, we were throwing dollars and neatly placing singles in g-strings.The craziest part was, as the ONLY other females in the club, my friends and I were the ones really making the place pop. I was completely surprised. Within an hour or so of us having been there, while the men were still acting scared, we were getting shout outs from the DJ, we'd become best friends with a couple of the girls Step Brothers style and thanks to one VERY intimate lap dance, I'm pretty sure one (or more) of us became a lesbian -- JK ladies, jk :). Nevertheless, low and behold, the more rowdy and supportive of the dancers we got, all of a sudden, the guys wanted to show off too.

2 Chainz ft. Nick Minaj - I Luv Dem Strippers

No shade to the men, but aside from the birthday party we were originally there for, the night really did become about ladies celebrating ladies. I mean we had just met some of these girls and already, not only had we become oddly protective of them like friends we'd known for years but they were trusting enough make it rain on us and have us recycle the funds. 

They trusted us with their funds! Where and when in real life does this happen?!?!?

Constant praise for each others talents, open appreciation for the human form, honest conversation, trust. It was a true sisterhood. I mean, sheesh; if that's not feminist, I don't know what is.

Look, I don't know, maybe it is just me, but if women acted like it was girl's night at the strip club in everyday life, then maybe we'd all be a little better off. Do you agree...Or #IsItJustMe


Oh, random side note: Shade Free Anonymous here, but WHY did we see Mr. Shad Moss aka Bow Wow in the club all by himself looking creepy, ummm, I mean lonely? The story about his 106 firing may have turned out to be false but sir, please still have several seats

P.S. -- Still can't imagine a girl's night out at Le Strip (and yes I will continue to call it that)? Well, now you can! Courtesy of Ms. RiRi: Pour it Up

Oh, You Ratchet!!!

Before I begin, just know that I am not late to the ratchetry epidemic that has taken over our country (uniting black and white people everywhere) throughout the last year. Nor with the coonery and buffoonery that is Love & Hip Hop New York have I been able to turn a blind eye to it. BUT, a few days ago a friend of mine sent me a link that made me question my ENTIRE existence, so I decided to share it with all of you...

Apparently back in November MadamNoire published an article aptly titled "Drop Down And GetYour Eagle On Girl : 10 Signs You’re A Sophistiratchet Woman" 

Now for all you ratchet-impaired readers, the urban dictionary describes a "Sophistiratchet" as: 

"a woman of highly educated pedigree (academically, socially, and otherwise) and worldly breeding; fluent in various forms of public etiquette yet is equally knowledgeable of the latest strip club songs, updated on most prime-time ratchet cable programs and conversant in the tongue of hoochie mama." 

Two things occurred when I happened upon this definition:

1 - Is this a positive or a negative? PAUSE #Don'tJudgeMe -- I ask if this is a positive or a negative because this definition sounds a lot like the old ad age of "She's a Lady in the streets but a freak in the sheets". I mean isn't it really the same thing?

2 - *GASP* Hold up, Am I a sophistiratchet? -- Look, I consider myself to be a well educated, culturally open and according to some, a very corporate individual; HOWEVER, if I'm out on a Friday night and the DJ just so happens to play Bandz Pour It Up, please believe, in the words of Mr. Kevin Hart, it is in fact "Turn up time!".

Don't get me wrong, some people are just outright Sweet Brown and ain't nobody got time for that; but, now-a-days everyone from Miley Cyrus to Katy Perry is twerkin for tips (cut to Katy Perry ft/Juicy J at the Grammys, Dark Horse is my Sh**!). I mean, look at The Holy Grail *coughs* I mean, Beyoncé...Now, Bey Stans, please don't kill me, but, you have to admit, Bow Down/Flawless & Drunk in Love are quite possibly two of the top Ratchet Anthems of 2013 and I can't even front because both songs invoke the stripper rock in me like nobody's business. But what does it all mean?!?!?!

Look, no judgement here, but, no matter how sophisticated you may think you are, if you're REALLY honest with yourself, et tu guilty of ratchetry?...Or #IsItJustMe

Before I go, just want to leave you with one of my favorite YouTube series from the lovely Ms. Issa Rae. Here is "Ratchetpiece Theatre":

a woman of highly educated pedigree (academically, socially, and otherwise) and worldly breeding; fluent in various forms of public etiquette yet is equally knowledgeable of the latest strip club songs, updated on most prime-time ratchet cable programs and conversant in the tongue of hoochie mama. - See more at: http://madamenoire.com/317400/sophistiratchet/#sthash.XzPFidDf.dpuf