Can't Touch This!

DISCLAIMER: I do love my melanin-impaired sisters and brothers. I promise...That is all


So I've been wearing my hair natural for about 3-4 years now which for someone like me is a blessing and a curse. I get bored quickly with hair styles so it allows versatility, especially when I feel like randomly chopping off my hair (which happens every year and I have been extremely strong in 2014. Whoot whoot!). On the other hand, being natural does require a lot of work which sucks for me because I'm also extremely lazy when it comes to hair. On a good day it's a coiffed fro, on other days it's in my Lady of Rage afro puffs and when I REALLY feel like showing out, I get it blown out by the Dominicans and wear it straight or throw some flexi-rods in it and Shirley temple that ish up. WHY am I telling you all of this you ask? Well I wanted to give you some back story. 

Growing up I attended a pretty diverse high-school so I never really had to deal with The Questions when it came to my hair. You know, those questions...

• When you get braids -"OMG, how did your hair grow so fast?"... 
• And the reverse when you take them out "OMG, why did you cut your hair?"
• "Do you wash it every day?"
• "How did you make it curly like that?" 
• "Do you wear weaves?" etc...

No, those questions did not come until college. The college I attended was fairly diverse BUT you had kids coming from different parts of the country and the world who only knew what they saw on TV so there was a bit of a learning curve. Hell, my first college roommate actually wanted to help me take out my sew in...and I let her (my arms were tired, so what. Don't judge me lol).

Anywho, what I did NOT expect living in a city like New York, was having to deal with these questions daily at my place of employment. 

Let me explain, I work in a corporate office and am one of a few brown M&M's (yes, that's what I call us. Copyright). But working where I work, with educated people and all, I thought that maybe these questions would stop or at the very least be deemed inappropriate to ask a colleague that was not at a "work friend". Wrong. WRONG. It's actually worse.

For Example...

Like I said before, sometimes I can get lazy with my hair -- We had an event coming up so the night before I put flexi-rods rollers in my hair and the next day when I came into the office, I had the whole 50's pin-up look going. Next night, not so much. I was exhausted and entirely too tired to roll it again so I wrapped my hair, put a scarf on and called it a night. Now, for those of you ethnic-hair-challenged folks, a wrap is that doobie thing Rihanna wore to the Grammy's

...Yeah, us brown girls (and some guys) wear that to bed :)

Anyway came into work the next day and the comments began...

"OMG you changed your hair again" 
"How did you make it straight so fast?" 
"Did you wash your curls out?"

Listen my Caucasian love muffins; I love you but a) Why are you clocking what I do with my hair and b) Please stop acting like I just morphed into a Power Ranger right before your eyes every time I change my hairstyle. It's not that serious lol.

But alas; it's not just the questions. Now there seems to be this culture of touching. For instance...

Last September I was in two, count'em two, weddings so I decided to add some length to my hair (notice I said length because for some reason if white girls get length it's called extensions but when we have them it's called weave. No thanks). 

Now I kept this look up for a while. One day as I'm walking down the hall on my way to see a client, I bump into one of my "colleagues" -- I use the term colleague loosely because we are not in the same department, we don't deal with each other often and she usually just gets the generic "Hey how you doing" wave. You catch my drift. 

In passing she says:

"OMG, your hair got so long. Wait is that all yours?"...Then proceeds to reach out and try touch the ends of my hair. 

PAUSE B***H 

1 - I was completely caught off guard. WTF. We are not friends. We don't hang out. Why and how is that any of your business? And furthermore, since when is that an appropriate question to ask someone just off the cuff?

2 - I have never matrixed out of the way so quick in my life. You'd of thought she tried to stab me.

But nonetheless, where and when did it become 'OK' to lay hands on my person. I am not a dog, you do not pet me or anything on my body.

And that was just extensions. Could you imagine if that was a wig?!?

I have a piece I like to call She,Me,Her that gives me a little Diana Ross feel. I like to break it out every so often when I go out; you know, for fun. But I would NEVER wear it to work for that very reason.

*Celie voice* I swear fo' Gawd, IF somebody were to EVER put their hands through She,Me,Her and that ish shifts to the side; I promise you boo boo, I would end up in HR and/or my friends would have to bail me out of jail.

Unfortunately, that was not the first or the last time something like that happened to me at work or even outside of work with a complete stranger. Honestly, I could go on for days. But I guess what I'm asking is does this happen to anyone else? And if it does, do you too find this as annoying as I do or #IsItJustMe

Hey nerds, just a quick PSA before I get out of here: 

The blog is still a work in progress - Logo and Facebook page coming soon - BUT in the meantime... Like, Comment, Share, FOLLOW 

Love, Peace and Hair Grease

Wax on...Wax Off

Ok, so I think I may have lied when I said true sisterhood and intimacy was in the strip club. The truth is, that's a title that should be reserved solely for your local waxing specialist, because I don't think you've experienced real intimacy until you've gotten a Brazilian bikini wax.

...Twas Valentine's Day and I decided the theme of that entire weekend was of course going to be "Treat Yo Self" 
 
I had off that Friday so I went to do what I and most women do from time to time which is exactly that -- treat myself. Kicked it off with a Galentine's day dinner with my single lady friends, got my hair, nails and eyebrows done and then the Pièce de résistance -- time to get a wax. Now I have no shame in my game (normally) but I have to be honest, I hadn't been to the salon to get a Brazilian in waaaayyyyy longer than I'd care to admit, so, I thought to myself, "Self, why not?". Why not try to radiate some positive vibes; like "The Secret", except for your vagina -- I mean, that's how vajazzling came about right? I'm just saying, I don't know about the rest of yous but I'm pretty sure most men like a clean workspace, so, I figured, "If you wax it, they will come"...Nevertheless, in all of this positive thinking, I had forgotten how real the actual process would be. I had forgotten that a complete stranger was about to get further with me in 10-15 min than most men do after a couple of months dates. I forgot that this little, old Armenian (or Russian) woman was about to be all up in my cooca, crack and hole with binocular glasses and the investigative precision of that ginger detective from CSI Miami. And I had definitely forgotten that maybe I should have taken an aspirin (or a shot for that matter) because I was about to be making "pain faces" that are usually reserved for an episode of Ridiculousness.

Her name was Rachel and she reminded me a lot of the aunt from My Big Fat Greek Wedding except instead of offering me copious amounts of lamb, she would just say "Okay, chu vant vax, I give you vax". She was sweet, kind and kept reassuring me that everything would be 'Ok' while simultaneously reminding me that maybe next time I shouldn't wait so long to come back (SHHHHHADE!). Anyway, she was quick and she didn't talk too much, just enough to keep my mind off of what was going on. Right leg out, left leg out, spread eagle, legs up and 20 mins later we were done. All in all I'd say it was a success; smooth as a baby's bottom. I grabbed my coat, my bag then headed out the door. As I awkwardly re-adjusted while I walked, I couldn't help but wonder; since I'm single, is there a really a point to some of the grooming? Look, I truly do enjoy pampering myself, it's part of being a woman BUT how long are you allowed to take a break -- a'la "No Shave November" -- before you start looking like Chewbacca? You know the old saying, "If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around, does it make a sound", well "If a single woman gets a wax and no one is there to see it, does it make a difference?" Are all single women the proverbial tree in the forest? Or #IsItJustMe 

 






P.S. - For those of you who don't know what "Treat Yo Self" is, allow me put you on some game. I present "Treat Yo Self", courtesy of Parks and Recreation: