Wax on...Wax Off

Ok, so I think I may have lied when I said true sisterhood and intimacy was in the strip club. The truth is, that's a title that should be reserved solely for your local waxing specialist, because I don't think you've experienced real intimacy until you've gotten a Brazilian bikini wax.

...Twas Valentine's Day and I decided the theme of that entire weekend was of course going to be "Treat Yo Self" 
 
I had off that Friday so I went to do what I and most women do from time to time which is exactly that -- treat myself. Kicked it off with a Galentine's day dinner with my single lady friends, got my hair, nails and eyebrows done and then the Pièce de résistance -- time to get a wax. Now I have no shame in my game (normally) but I have to be honest, I hadn't been to the salon to get a Brazilian in waaaayyyyy longer than I'd care to admit, so, I thought to myself, "Self, why not?". Why not try to radiate some positive vibes; like "The Secret", except for your vagina -- I mean, that's how vajazzling came about right? I'm just saying, I don't know about the rest of yous but I'm pretty sure most men like a clean workspace, so, I figured, "If you wax it, they will come"...Nevertheless, in all of this positive thinking, I had forgotten how real the actual process would be. I had forgotten that a complete stranger was about to get further with me in 10-15 min than most men do after a couple of months dates. I forgot that this little, old Armenian (or Russian) woman was about to be all up in my cooca, crack and hole with binocular glasses and the investigative precision of that ginger detective from CSI Miami. And I had definitely forgotten that maybe I should have taken an aspirin (or a shot for that matter) because I was about to be making "pain faces" that are usually reserved for an episode of Ridiculousness.

Her name was Rachel and she reminded me a lot of the aunt from My Big Fat Greek Wedding except instead of offering me copious amounts of lamb, she would just say "Okay, chu vant vax, I give you vax". She was sweet, kind and kept reassuring me that everything would be 'Ok' while simultaneously reminding me that maybe next time I shouldn't wait so long to come back (SHHHHHADE!). Anyway, she was quick and she didn't talk too much, just enough to keep my mind off of what was going on. Right leg out, left leg out, spread eagle, legs up and 20 mins later we were done. All in all I'd say it was a success; smooth as a baby's bottom. I grabbed my coat, my bag then headed out the door. As I awkwardly re-adjusted while I walked, I couldn't help but wonder; since I'm single, is there a really a point to some of the grooming? Look, I truly do enjoy pampering myself, it's part of being a woman BUT how long are you allowed to take a break -- a'la "No Shave November" -- before you start looking like Chewbacca? You know the old saying, "If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around, does it make a sound", well "If a single woman gets a wax and no one is there to see it, does it make a difference?" Are all single women the proverbial tree in the forest? Or #IsItJustMe 

 






P.S. - For those of you who don't know what "Treat Yo Self" is, allow me put you on some game. I present "Treat Yo Self", courtesy of Parks and Recreation: